Lightness of Being

I’m not sure if it was turning 70, surviving cancer or simply having lived enough life to understand that there is nothing worth sacrificing your peace and well-being over. 

Through the years, I have done what most people (especially women) have done.  I’ve taken care of everyone else, until there was nothing left for me.  Always at the bottom of my own priority list, I was too spent and exhausted to do anything else. It’s no surprise that it took this long for me to discover what was right for me.

Now, something has shifted and I feel a sense of ease that I’ve never known. It doesn’t matter if it is cleaning the house or going out with friends or family, if I don’t feel like doing it, I just let it go. 

The big surprise for me was that I actually get more done.  The less I demand of myself the more I am able to accomplish.  It changes from ‘Have To’ to ‘Want To’ and it gives me permission to enjoy whatever I choose to do with my day. 

Getting there hasn’t been easy. I still have the ghosts of ‘I Need To’ haunting my mind.  How many things were left undone during my cancer treatment and recovery were weighing heavily on me.  I felt overwhelmed by the sheer volume of tasks that were put on hold.  I made lists and project plans to get it all accomplished.  Doing all of that didn’t make me feel better, it actually made it much worse.  Now, I had written proof of what I had not done. 

Gradually, I started to reassess all of those self-imposed requirements. Asking myself the really tough questions like “What exactly will happen if I don’t change the closet light bulb?” When I started looking at it through that lens, it all became very clear, these were wants not needs and it began to soften the expectations I had set for myself.

How silly I felt, after all I had been through, that I was letting something so minor steal my peace. So, I looked again at those dreaded lists and realized that absolutely none of it was critical.  Yes, they are things that I would like to eventually do or better yet have someone else do, but not right now.

Today, I was thinking of cleaning and doing laundry but what I wanted to do was to sit and write down how I was feeling about all of this.  Kind of like the buddy system with exercising.  If you do it with someone you are more likely to continue.  Sharing this helps to reinforce the fact that I really can do exactly what I want to do and nothing catastrophic is going to happen.

Days of multi-tasking and rushing to get things done are mostly behind me now.  If I’m in a hurry, it’s because I’m doing something fun.  I’ll happily be quick to get ready for a fantastic outing with my daughter and not give a second thought to that laundry basket.

I realize more than ever that my time and energy are priceless and that all that matters is that I enjoy this incredible lightness of being. 

Has your perspective in life shifted as you’ve gotten older?  What changes have you seen in the way that you move through your life?
Share your stories and join the conversation!

Published on Sixtyandme.com

How to Plan Your First Solo Travel Adventure

  It’s been over 40 years, but I remember the first few trips I took alone like they were yesterday. I was so excited and nervous. At the same time, I knew it was something I had to try.

I would read stories about all of the wonderful places in the world and fantasize about going on those trips, never really believing I would actually go. Finally, I let my desire overcome my fear and I booked a short solo trip, not far from where I lived.

Now, four decades later, I am barely home from one adventure before I am planning the next. 

Everywhere I go, women ask me how I do it, so, I thought I’d share some of my tips on how to plan your first solo travel adventure.  Just a word of caution – it can be very addictive and can change your life forever!

Planning for Your Solo Travel Adventure

The first step is to think of something you enjoy doing. Do you like visiting gardens or parks, museums, outdoor activities or sporting events?

Whatever you like to do at home you will enjoy even more when you are away. I love to hike in the mountains so that is what I decided to do for my first trip. Having a sense of purpose helped to calm my nerves.

I recommend staying close to home at first; this will ease the stress of feeling like you are too far away. My first trip was only an hour from home and I knew if I didn’t like it or if anything happened I could easily leave; it was very reassuring.

Next, decide where you want to go, how far away and for how long. I began with just a weekend – drive on Saturday morning, go hiking, stay overnight and drive home on Sunday. It seems so easy now but at the time this was a very big deal for me.

Managing Your Bookings

Whether you are driving, flying or taking a bus, you will need to make arrangements for how you will get there and where you will stay. The Internet has made this process so much easier so you can research and book everything online.

I always check multiple sites before I make any travel arrangements. I start with Expedia and Travelocity and then check the specific hotel or airline website for more detailed information and the best rates.

Many airlines offer vacation packages that include airfare, hotel and car so it is easy to book all of them together. Before I book anything I check Tripadvisor.com to see the reviews from other solo travelers. I am very careful to make sure that where I am going is safe and that I will be comfortable.

Also, I make refundable arrangements. It can cost a bit more but I want to make sure that I can cancel without penalty.

Depending on where I am going and what the costs are sometimes I purchase travel insurance. Also, I always have a contingency plan, just in case.

Looking for Tours and Excursions

Depending on what you plan to do, you can either book organized tours or go independently. Many of my early trips were to visit lovely botanic gardens in various states so I would check into my hotel and then go from there.

I very often take walks in the park or gardens here at home so it did not feel uncomfortable to do this on my own in a new city. The one thing I always do is plan my transportation before I leave the hotel – directions, bus schedule, taxi etc.

Getting the Most from Dining Out

For some women traveling alone this can be a big concern. It is one of the reasons that I always book a hotel with a restaurant onsite. If I am feeling uncomfortable for any reason or perhaps just don’t want to go out I can order room service and stay in.

Early on, when I went out, I took a book or my journal to occupy myself if I felt bored or uneasy. Now, with phones and tablets, most of us have something available all the time.

Try not to be too distracted. A lot of people will talk to you when they see you are on your own but won’t interrupt you if you seem too engrossed in your phone.

Honestly, it has become one of my greatest pleasures. I always plan at least one night when I dress up and treat myself to a nice dinner out. I’ve met wonderful people all over the world and always look forward to this part of any trip.

Embrace a Little Self-indulgence

For me, this has become one of the best things about traveling on my own. I get to do what I want, when I want and always do something special for myself. It doesn’t have to be expensive just anything that makes me happy.

It might be a nice meal, massage, cute pair of earrings or just a nice warm bath with a glass of wine at the end of a great day. No matter what it is, it helps me remember that I deserve to treat myself with love and kindness.

Wishing you safe and happy travels!

Have you ever traveled on your own? If not, would you like to? What solo travel advice would you like to offer the other women in our community? Join the conversation and share your stories below.

Published on Sixty and Me

What I Didn't Know About Ireland

 

       

As an Irish American, I grew up thinking that I knew certain things about Ireland.  Of course, I had always heard how beautiful it was and how friendly the people were, but I was surprised to discover that there are so many things that as Americans we don't really know about Ireland.

Here are just some of the things that surprised and delighted me during my travels to the lovely green isle.

Top o' the Mornin 

I've never heard an Irish person say this in over 20 years of traveling there.

Corned Beef and Cabbage is not the national dish

The most common or traditional meal I found all through the country is boiled back bacon (pork), potatoes, cabbage and a lovely parsley cream sauce, it's just like the country boiled dinner my grandmother made when I was growing up.  Corned beef and cabbage developed in America due to the cost of food and immigrants living in the same communities with some who did not eat pork.  

Irish Bacon is not the same as Canadian Bacon 

It a gorgeous slice of pork loin (rashers) that I adore!

St. Patrick's Day began as a religious holiday to honor their patron Saint

Until 1970 pubs were required by law to close for the day.  Irish immigrants in America began celebrating in remembrance of their homeland and it has evolved into the green madness we know today. 

The Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland are separate countries

Although they share a border with the South, Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom.

Pubs in Ireland are truly Public Houses

They are a place to meet, gather and conduct business.  You are as likely to find a hardware store or linen shop in the same building.  I even found one that had a mortuary on the other side.  Many have become more of a drinking establishment, but you'll still find many true pubs throughout the country.

To say that the Irish are heavy drinkers, is not a fair reflection of the culture

I found drinking to be more of a social activity, and many prefer tea or soft drinks over alcohol when they are out.  My favorite was black currant juice mixed with water, very refreshing.

Having said that, there is a very healthy respect for the black stuff

During my travels I would often see Guinness mini coupes driving through the country to inspect and service the tiny pubs in the towns and villages.  As a woman you are more likely to be offered a glass instead of a pint when you order a beer, just tell them you want a pint, and you'll get a smile and a wink.

We've all heard of Irish Wakes 

I was very moved to hear the story about families having American Wakes for their loved ones who were emigrating to the US - they knew they would probably never see them again.  

Christian - Pagan - Ancient Celts

As I trekked up the Hill of Tara, I was surprised to see a very modest statue of St. Patrick and all of the surrounding monuments and symbols to honor their ancient pagan history as well.

Cherish the History

That is something very unique about Ireland - they don't remove something just because it is old or seems out of date.  A lovely caretaker I met at the Kylemore Abbey gardens explained to me that anything that thrives there stays there. 

Taxi drivers are more like professional tour operators 

They will give you great information about the local area.  It will also be the most interesting conversation you will ever have.  The Irish are very well informed about news and world events and love to chat with travelers about all of it.

How lovely and social they are is not a myth 

If they ask you about yourself, it isn't simply to be polite - they really want to know.  When I lived there, I was told early on, to allow extra time when you go out so you can chat with the people you meet along the way.  

The Irish have an incredible, irrepressible, independent spirit

That is perfectly displayed on the Painted Doors of Dublin.  At the same time, they have a deep love and loyalty to their country, like singing the national anthem at the end of the night after drinking and dancing.  That is something you would never see at an American bar.

They are the warmest, kindest most generous people I have ever met, and the countryside is absolutely stunning.  

If you've been there, then you know what I'm talking about.  If you haven't, then you must see it for yourself to understand the true beauty of this very special place.

To say I was charmed by Ireland would be a tremendous understatement.  It's not only the home of my ancestors but has become the homeplace of my heart. 

Happy New Year

With a new year, fresh start and new beginnings - all things are possible. 

I don't make resolutions, but I do like to set intentions.

This year I want to broaden my scope and clear some space for something new.

I am ready to trade the rituals and traditions that have served me so well in the past for a future that is unknown and limitless.

Now, I feel the need to explore in a way that I never have before.

Not just in the world, but within myself.

Wishing you a New Year filled with love and joy!